Well the 2nd round of admissions are out and lets see what that brings along, though i have now steeped into cynicism that for me a foreign education is just not meant to be. Its rather hillarious to hear my dad say that the reason he doesnt want to send me abroad is that it brings about rather ill-fated problems upon the family, namely a scandalous affair with a staunch approach to deviate from the path of culture and religion. I long to tell him about what the boys in the family are upto abroad but what exactly will that bring for me ? A good and wise "i-told-you-so" and another boy sent abroad to assure themselves that the 'experiences' abroad will better life for all mankind. Why must i have to settle for less when the boy who always got the least out of life now should get 'experiences' from abroad. I know you've stopped questioning and accepted that you really cant do anything about it, am i also supposed to confrom and accept it that for my brother/cousins to gain 'experiences' abroad i should have to give up my dreams and aspirations ?
They know everything that happens there but put a blind eye to it because, hey, theyre guys they'll get over it right. But im a girl and i cannot get over it because i carry a malicious curse upon me. Why must i be the one to sacrifice so that he and countless other 'hims' get to live in sin and try their hand at it ? I could very well do that here and i have a good mind and a strong resolve at this point to prove them that whatever they can accumulate there i can do the same here and which much better results. For every boy that goes some girl is supposed to appreciate it and let him do as he pleases. Why do they even bother cloaking their hypocrisy is what i dont get. Just be affrontive about it that i rather my son drinks, parties and dates than you because that makes him who he is and success comes with that price. Maybe i could try to achieve success like that and throw it back in their faces. We can all tally up our scores and see how far we get in life with alcohol coursing through our veins.
You know maybe thats why fathers prefer not to have too many daughters. They didnt want to give more opportunities to their son(s) to go off the straight path and have their daughters suffer for it. Its a shame that i literally have to accept this and live with it and yet try to succeed because im the 'light' in their lives. I just feel excessively hopeless and extremely rebellious to pull off some awesome stunt to put me down in history. Im tired of pretending that im indifferent when im not. And i dont think i'll ever be unless i find a way around this.
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